Our journey started in February 2011, when during a meal out, Bobby and I once again got on to the subject of children. We had just been at a wedding fair, and were talking through all of the ideas and plans for the wedding, as well as possible dates. All this discussion of our future inevitably led to us talking about the possibility of starting a family. Of course we’d discussed wanting children in our lives a number of times since we’d got together, and knew it was what we both wanted and hoped for, but it honestly had never felt like the right time to start trying for a baby.
Over lunch, we came to the conclusion that we had been putting our future and our plans on hold, waiting for everything to be right before starting a family. We realised that day there is no perfect time to start, if we waited for all conditions to be right, we could very well be waiting a long time, and that is not what we wanted!
I suppose in the back of my mind, I was concerned about my age, I was 32 at the time and I didn’t want to leave it any longer to start a family either. My mum was 31 when she had me, and I am the youngest, so in my mind I’d always thought I’d never leave it any later than that. But you never know what life is gonna throw at you along the way, and with a failed relationship behind me, I was already 28 before I met Bobby.
We talked it over and asked ourselves some questions – were we mad to invest in a wedding and start trying for a family at the same time? What was the worse that could happen? What could be the best that could happen? The wedding was still at least another 18 months away, did we really want to wait that long before even trying for a family? No!
I always wanted to be married before I started a family, but in all seriousness, as I’d gotten older I’d very much accepted that it might not be that way for me. At the very least we were engaged and planning the wedding, so what if I got pregnant in amongst all that? Maybe we’d have to change the date, or pay a bit extra or change certain things, or lose a deposit or two, but would that matter if we wanted a family? Of course, the answer was no, it wouldn’t matter, and should we try for a baby and be successful along the way, then we would just work it out in terms of the wedding.
The other consideration was our living arrangements. We had been in rented accommodation since we got back from travelling, and we didn’t have a deposit for a house. Could we afford a baby? Could we cope lugging the pushchair up the stairs every time we wanted to go out? Was the apartment big enough? These had all been things that had made us delay in starting, but it became very clear to the both of us that no matter how much of a struggle things might become, we would be realising a dream of ours and we would, and more importantly could, make it work no matter what. Plenty of other people in worse circumstances than us were parents, and they coped fine.
Having a family had always been one of the most important things to me in life, and I know it became that way for Bobby too. As the conversation progressed, I could see the excitement growing between us. We were grinning from ear to ear, I could see Bobby’s eyes shining with happiness, and I knew whole heartedly this was the right decision to make. What an adventure! And we started trying that very day.
To be continued…